There is no doubt that a romantic break-up is tough even if you haven’t been involved for that long. Breaking up might be the best thing overall if things are not working out but at the end of the day, if you are the one who has been left and your feelings are still in limbo. It hurts.
Some people think that it takes a long time to get over a lost love but although the process is going to be different and more timely depending on the extent of your feelings, it is more about how you handle this period of ‘singledom’ that will determine how quickly you bounce back from the break-up.
Apart from an intense feeling of loss, you are likely to be feeling angry and rejected and it is how you channel this anger that will be instrumental in recovering. When a relationship is over, quite often you don’t get a chance to express how you really feel because sometimes the break-up happens in a burst of anger during a row or sometimes, more callously, by text or email. In the initial stages, this sudden grief and loss is suppressed as are the feelings of anger.
By your not having the opportunity to fight back and say what you think about your former partner, the emotion can simply well up and choke you from the inside out. You have no opportunity to rid yourself of this inner angst. Unfortunately, your instinct might let you wallow in this grief and this torrent of stored emotion by listing to the soppiest, saddest music possible which instead of allowing you to free your pent-up emotions, simply enables you to feel the rush of emotion, pain and loss over and over again.
Of course it’s good to acknowledge that you hurt emotionally. Hiding from your emotions is not good, in fact, it’s damaging. You might even curl up on your bed and relieve those last moments, wondering how you could have done things differently. Or visualise you back together once more as a couple, when he has come to his senses and realised that he cannot live without you. Visualising this backwards step can heighten your emotions even further, stopping you from moving on from the pain. It can prevent the natural healing process is if you start trying to call him, to find him, and worst case scenario stalk him.
If you feel tempted to do any of these, stop right there! You will not be doing yourself any favours. You will only increase your feelings of sadness and actually suppress your anger further within yourself. Plus, in years to come, you will find yourself horribly embarrassed by your actions.
You probably feel very helpless, like he has all of the control and you are left feeling wishy washy and just overcome with emotion. When you feel helpless, this hinders your fight back to normal emotions and so you need to stop waiting and hoping for him to call you. Whilst you know it will take you a while to forget him, you can determine to do just that or at the very least, that you are going to get on with your life. If you want to listen to music, choose carefully. Don’t listen to those songs that make you feel completely sad; instead choose those that empower you.
If you feel the need to tell him what you feel. Then write him a letter and very clearly bullet point how his actions have made you feel. You don’t need to send it, just get out every emotion that you can onto paper and then burn the letter, visualising your anger dissipating and the sensation of relief as the words burn.
It’s never easy getting over a broken heart and sometimes you will not get the answers that you really want to have, but there is nothing that you can do about that. Keep a firm grip on your pride and just remember that if he doesn’t value you, then there will be someone out there who does.