Unless you are made of stone, the chances are you would have been tempted to cheat at least one time during your life. It doesn’t matter how deeply committed you are to your partner or how much you love and care for them, at the end of the day, there will be someone who enters your life and the sparks start to ignite.
Even if you do encounter someone who makes you sorely tempted to cheat, it doesn’t mean that you have to jump into bed and risk your relationship for them of course, but sometimes, you can be in a situation where you feel vulnerable emotionally or your barriers have dropped through having that one drink too many and suddenly, he is closing in for a kiss. So what then?
Okay so the next morning, you wake up wrapped in another man’s arms and the sudden horrifying truth descends on you like a black cloud, you have cheated on your partner, something that you swore you would never do. Not in a million years and not even if George Clooney came along and begged you to.
So unless you look at your lover of the night before and feel an overwhelming urge to re-offend before you slip off to your own hotel room or go home to face the music depending on your situation, the chances are that you are probably feeling incredibly guilty by your actions and lack of self-control.
Whatever your reasons for cheating and however much you regret it, it is likely that your partner is going to be exceptionally angry and very, very hurt. The trust can be damaged sometimes irreparably. So what do you do? You may feel that you don’t wish to tell your partner but these things have a way of coming out and emerging further down the line and it becomes a nasty little secret to try to hide. If you have the opportunity of being able to hide it from your partner, for example, perhaps he is away and is unlikely to ever know and if you can live with your conscience, then you should do as you feel best.
But if the news of your one night stand reaches your partner through potentially you having been very indiscreet, then you needs to identify why you did what you did and actually interpret what it says about your relationship. If you are very lucky, you might get a second chance to put your relationship right and it’s possible that he will believe you when you say that you bitterly regret your mistake. He may say that he can forgive you but deep down it will take a long time for the hurt and shattered trust to heal and to repair. He might claim that he loves you enough to do this but from now on, it’s likely that he will be watching your every move like a hawk.
Broken trust takes a long, long time to repair. There are also no guarantees that he will be able to put your infidelities behind him but what you can do is to ensure that you don’t give him any reason going forward to doubt you. It might be frustrating but you have to be very patient, not just for a few days or a week, but for months. Emotional scars take a lot longer to heal that physical ones and you have hurt him remember? So if he is filled with hurt and doubts about your feelings for him, then you only have yourself to blame. Don’t try to push your relationship back to the way it was pre-infidelity, as it won’t work.
Always be brutally honest with your partner going forward. Never tell him any little white lies as to why you were late meeting him for example because if he catches you out, he will start wondering just how many other lies have been told. You now have to live a transparent a life as is possible and it’s no good moaning about it either, because it’s going to be tough to suddenly lose any previous freedom that you might have enjoyed. At some point, your partner will be able to let go of the reins but it’s going to take a long time before you will be in a situation where you can responsibly undergo the same level of respect and trust as previously.