As a woman, it’s unlikely that you would have made it through your dating years without encountering the proverbial bad boy, and although you might be reluctant to repeat the experience of a broken heart yet again, there may well be a part of you that feels a shiver of attraction at the thought of encountering a man who attracts you like a magnet.
Your practical mind might be saying no but, there is something intangible, something compelling about a man who is brimming over with confidence and who cannot commit. Something draws you in even though your gut feeling is screaming no, no, no.
By definition, a bad boy may not be the best looking, he may not be the most intelligent or even as successful as some of the nicer guys and he doesn’t seem to really care about you the way that other men have, but even whilst you know this, there is an excitement, an edginess that makes you want to draw closer to him, like a moth to the flame.
The bad boy brings a sense of drama into your life and not always a positive sense of drama. Often, this unsuitable yet charismatic partner lets you down, arranges to meet up and then cancels, sometimes without telling you. He might flirt openly with others, forgets your birthday and hopes to see you after hours when he has had a fun time out with his friends but hasn’t pulled, but he knows that you won’t want to say no.
If you have dated safer guys previously, the bad boy will well and truly stand out from the crowd for all of the wrong reasons but it’s true to say that there will probably never be a dull moment with him. You may feel that his unpredictability is a quality but eventually you will see that this is not a quality worth staying for.
Deep down you will know that he is not suited to you, not really but there is some part of you that reaches out to him and you may find that you make numerous excuses for his lack of care and attention. You will be the one who always gives within the relationship and your bad boy will simply take-emotionally and physically.
There are numerous reasons why you might be attracted to a bad boy and a low self-esteem may be one likely reason. Your past may have also brought you to this point and would be inter-connected with any esteem issues. If you feel good about yourself, you are less likely to throw caution to the wind and to be attracted to the bad boy. Your self-esteem and rationale would stop you from falling prey to him irrespective of whether you find him attractive.
High self-esteem means that you value yourself and will only be available for a truly loving and reciprocal relationship and therefore, you can bypass all of the charms of the bad boy. If you have low self-esteem, it is likely that you will choose a man who re-inforces those feelings you have about yourself but sadly this will only confirm on a deeper level, your negative self-belief.
True love and intimacy is a difficult one but it’s the only way forward if you wish to participate in a caring relationship. You need to allow yourself to open up, exposing any vulnerability and to embrace that connection with a man who is decent, kind and genuine.
If you reflect on your previous relationships, you may well find the reason why the bad boy tempts you beyond belief, why you struggle to say no and give in time after time. He may be loving and passionate physically but the moment the door closes behind him, you know that you are a million miles away in his thoughts. Poor, destructive previous relationships may drive you straight into his arms unless you can see the path that you are taking with complete clarity and avoid those emotional pitfalls.
You know that the bad boy is incapable of giving and of truly loving. Your relationship is likely to be one-sided and 2 dimensional, it will be lacking in every sense of the word. Instead, set the romantic bar higher and learn to embrace those who truly care about the person you are and who wants to see you and care for you 24/7.
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