As a woman, when you feel that you might have relationship problems, it’s natural that you would want to talk out your problems and pour out your inner angst to your partner. Telling him how you feel is as familiar an act as breathing because that’s what women do. We talk.
Men however, by and large, do not want to sit and talk things through and instead of hearing your impassioned pleas to make changes; he gets angry, irritable or suddenly turns amazingly deaf. Even worse, he stomps off out of the door hoping to only return once you have ‘cooled off’.
To a woman, it makes sense to talk about your problems and why wouldn’t you? If he is doing something that upsets you or hurts you, then surely, the problem has to be rectified otherwise the problem will only get worse. It doesn’t matter how long you have been with your partner, you might be guessing by now that your words really are falling on deaf ears. In his mind, you are bordering on paranoia, you are creating a problem where none actually exists and maybe, just maybe, you are indulging in a little attention seeking.
The majority of men it might seem cannot cope with their partners getting ‘emotional’ and nothing speaks louder to a man than the words ‘ I need to tell you how I feel’ and his response is to get out of there at the speed of light. Men sum up your need to talk as the ‘latest drama’ and roll their eyes when talking to their mates as a lot of mutual nodding goes on and this often highlights the vast differences between men and women.
So what do we do wrong when we are trying to convey our feelings?
First you need to think about changing your tactics, emotional meltdowns are not met with any degree of success and you will have seen that probably already. Don’t start off by screaming, yelling or crying and do your best to not suddenly start accusing him for the emotions that you are now feeling.
Similarly, if you are constantly checking in with him to see if he is ok or over-analysing everything that he says or does, you are only going to alienate him completely. Your partner probably needs a little consistency from you and if you turn from being an adorable and passionate woman to a screaming harridan at the drop of a hat, he is going to seriously start considering that he may be better off elsewhere.
Men fall for women who are in control of their emotions and yet are mildly unpredictable but in a positive way. Negative talk breeds negative reactions. Opening your heart and pouring out your emotions with a view to it solving a problem, doesn’t work, it fact it only highlights a problem that your partner never thought he had.
Of course you need to stand up for yourself, of course you have every right to say how you feel but sending out a torrent of mixed messages sends out a message to your guy that you might not be the woman for him. Turn from a strong, go-getter type of woman to a needy, ‘are you sure you love me?’ woman and he is going to wonder what the hell just happened.
The problem is that many women plan out their life in their minds. They meet a great guy and somehow, they start to visualize how it‘s all going to pan out. They might not mention it to their partner but it’s there, the visualization then starts to taunt them if and when things don’t quite work out the way that they envisaged. Women are emotional, we cry when we see a sad film and men quite like that about us, but there is a time and a place for opening up those emotional barriers.
It’s not easy to change your emotions into something positive or to control them if you pick u signals that there is a problem, but one thing is for sure, if you want your relationship to work, probing him for confirmation of his love or demanding that he listens when you have a hormonal outburst, isn’t the way to cement your relationship long-term.
Think about it. Smart women own their relationships and choose the time to share their feelings and do so in a positive and not needy way.