Prying. It’s a horrible word and a horrible act, but it might well sum up how you feel if you are a little worried that your partner is not being totally honest with you. It’s a horrible feeling. You sit there and ponder what he is thinking, feeling or even what he is up to. But to snoop, to lower your standards and to try to uncover the evidence that he is lying? You know that no good will come out of this but, equally, you are not sure that you can bring yourself to stop because it’s so damn tempting.
There is nothing worse than feeling excluded from a relationship. If you are anything like me, relationships are supposed to be open and honest and there aren’t supposed to be secrets. After all, secrets lead to suspicious behaviour and suspicious behaviour leads to doubts, uncertainties and snooping.
The trouble is, there are so many ways to pry, from checking his emails, to his voicemail or text messages and the potential to follow him when he leaves work for example and sometimes it is easy to misinterpret the information that you see and this can lead to even more feelings of suspicion. What you have to consider before you embark on this route is that if you are starting to doubt your man or whether your suspicions have been growing for some time, is it really worth being with a man who makes you feel this way? Of course it’s easy to say this. When you love someone, you love them totally, inside and out and you build your life around them, you know that they are not perfect but love is a powerful emotion and it keeps you by his side through thick and thin. But at some point, if you really feel that he is up to no good, you are going to have to take ownership of the situation and demand to know the truth, or catch him out of course.
If he is starting to work late every night and has suddenly started going out with his friends several times a week or if he is now working away more frequently, then maybe you have cause for concern. Equally, if he is now spending hours in the bathroom, pontificating and investing in new clothes and a potent aftershave, then your suspicions could well be spot on.
Before you go rushing off to hire a private detective or to assume the role of super sleuth yourself, have you actually asked him outright what is going on? Whilst your thinking that he is cheating on you, he could well be bowed under with intense pressure from work, be scared that he is going to lose his job or have personal financial problems. There could in fact be numerous reasons why his behaviour has changed. Men sadly don’t always like to do the big communication thing and especially if he might be worried or feel that he is failing, his self-esteem might be rock bottom which just means those emotional barriers will be up.
Assuming that you do check his emails and messages and you find that your gut feeling has proven right, what are you going to do about it? Whenever we find out something that is potentially damaging, it’s good to get the nasty little secrets out into the open so that you can get to the bottom of things and try to resolve the situation if that’s at all possible. If you have found him cheating, then you might not want him in your life anyway, sometimes the news that he has been sneaking around with others, is enough to kill your relationship stone cold dead. But if there are still feelings there and he is desperate to try to resolve the situation, then maybe, you have a fighting chance of turning the relationship around.
Prying isn’t the best way of trying to establish if there is a problem but it’s understandable and living with doubts is not a good place to be. Whatever happens, it is best to get the situation and the truth under control and out into the open so that you are able to make some important decisions and to move on with your life with or without him. But having said all that, your prying might well uncover a lovely surprise that doesn’t make you doubt his love but simply endorses it.