If you have been struggling to come to terms with the tragic loss of a partner, you might be wondering how you are going to possibly cope alone and to get by without them by your side. If your relationship was really strong and all-consuming, it’s certainly going to be difficult to push through the grief and to start meeting other people. The problem is that grief affects your every thought and action and whilst it might be socially acceptable to start dating again after a year, this doesn’t mean you are personally ready to engage in social flirting with a view to letting someone new into your life.
So when you should you start dating? Really, you should start dating whenever it feels right for you. You may feel that you are desperately lonely and this of course is going to really put pressure on you to find someone to share a little time with but make sure that you are starting to date again for the right reasons. It could be that what you need is not a date but a friend and if you are feeling isolated, try instead to widen your social circle that way first of all. Don’t worry if you start experiencing feelings of guilt at trying to move on, this is natural as your life evolves.
There is no miracle cut off point for grief. You don’t just get to grieve for twelve months and then as if by magic, a switch is flicked and all your former emotions get switched off. So before taking the dating plunge, make sure that you have faced your feelings and let all of your emotions out because it would be impossible to find a complete replacement for your previous partner and you cannot simply date to fill an emotional gap.
If your world suddenly feels very small and you just want to get out and test the waters and start re-establishing yourself in your own rights, then consider Internet dating but just be careful that you are in the right mindset and not feeling vulnerable. Internet dating can be great fun and it’s a great way to be introduced to a variety of people who are not even in your local area. For a woman experiencing loss, it’s very easy to attract the wrong men, those who perhaps are drawn by your vulnerability or men who simply take and who are emotionally bereft themselves. But there are also women out there who may do just the same to men who are ravaged by loss and needing company in their lives. Sadly the world is full of serial daters and cheaters, and many congregate online in the safety of a virtual world and your paths are bound to cross if you decide to try out Internet dating.
Despite these considerations, there are many who will be genuine and who are looking for a decent relationship and who are lonely themselves. No doubt they will have experienced the highs and lows of relationship loss through broken hearts or grief themselves but remember that they may be at a different stage of grief than you so even with loss being a common bond, neither of you may be able to commit fully.
With Internet dating providing the opportunity to chat to many, you may even find yourself entering a conveyor belt of dates and plunging from one romantic no-no to another. Don’t despair if this happens, there could be numerous reasons why any of the dates don’t work out but also you have to consider whether you are fully ready to embrace the dating world. Sometimes, your subconscious can set you up for disappointments, it’s a way of protecting yourself but this will stop when you eventually meet someone who is caring and considerate and who is right for you. Providing you are honest with those you meet and explain that you want to meet people but not rush into something at this stage, you will have a better chance of making a connection with someone who deserves to be with you.
Internet dating is a wonderful resource which will enable you to extend the hand of friendship to others and to widen your social circle, but make sure that emotionally you are ready to take this first step and then you can embrace the virtual world of online dating and be ready for any emotional encounters. Internet dating can be a lifeline through the loneliness and the grief but take small steps so that any emotional wounds can heal because then you will be able to project the real you and attract those who are worthy.
Image:© Serghei Starus | Dreamstime.com
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