Sometimes, I believe that people put too much emphasis into finding their perfect other, that one indefinable person who makes our hearts race and the world take on that perfect rosy hue. As great as it is to fall in love and to spend time together making the world seem a much nicer place, if we only focus on that one end goal, this drive towards perfection makes us forget things that are just as important if not more so.
Internet dating is a fantastic tool for finding those that we are compatible with but if we only use it to find romantic interests; it stands to reason that we start to lose out on so many others who we could have actually become incredibly good friends with. Let’s be honest, can you have too many good friends? When we are young, new friends come along constantly, it was easy to make and break friends and to patch things up all in one day but once you get older, this ability to make new friends starts to wane. The trouble with this limiting behaviour is that as we go through our teens and romp through each decade, we fall out with some, lose others and cling ferociously to those who are left but those friendships are under pressure constantly because we all evolve individually as people and sometimes this makes us grow apart.
So whilst you are on the search for that ‘special one’ doesn’t it make sense to just enjoy the company of those who didn’t quite get all the ticks in the box and yet who seemed really lovely? Why waste compatibility? After all, as you get a bit older and leave your twenties and move into your thirties, everyone develops their own way of doing things, their own eccentricities and so again, not everyone will remain fully compatible.
Of course you might be lucky and meet your perfect other quite quickly and that is all well and good but for those who need to keep casting their lines in the singles pool, don’t just chuck someone back in because they don’t appear to be the perfect match. Internet dating is hard work, yes it’s also great fun but no one can deny that it can be a nerve-wracking experience because you have such a limited time to make a great first impression and because of this, you are likely to be on your best behaviour and possibly not portray the real you. What you really want out of your dates is a shared sense of familiarity, an easy and instant compatibility where you enjoy similar interests, have the same warped sense of humour, poke fun at each other and if that extra, vital chemistry isn’t there, well does it really matter? You are out having a great time anyway and if you both recognise that you are more likely to be friends than lovers, then no-one is going to get hurt.
It’s worth remembering that sometimes we are all guilty of creating an image of our perfect partner and yet the reality can be vastly different. Women might want a tall man with a chiselled jaw and stepping stone abs and men might desire a long legged Barbie look-a-like in theory but in reality, women might fall to the charms of the freckled face boy next door who is reliable and makes her laugh and the men may fall for the short and curvy brunette who is great fun and very sexy in a buxom way.
Providing you make it clear that you are interested in developing a friendship and nothing more, then you may well find that you have built great foundations for the future and still have someone that you like who you can share your life with. Whilst it all might change if one or both meet new romantic interests, hopefully, the friendship will have been secured and so can continue.
Of course we can’t turn every date into our new best friends, but somewhere in the mix will be some great people who ‘almost’ match up to what we want but for some reason, that essential x factor is missing and we would usually have passed them by. But if they are great company, kind and genuine, why not secure a friendship that might last a long time and be worth its weight in gold?
Image:© Garry Wolsey | Dreamstime.com