It’s no fun being on your own at any time of the year but being on your own is better than being in an abusive relationship. You might feel lonely, distanced from those around you and isolated emotionally whilst you heal. The healing process may take some time too depending on how bad your former relationship was and how many open wounds need time to knit back together.
During this process, it may feel as if you will never want to be with anyone ever again. The mere thought of anyone sharing your life might seem impossible or something that you just cannot or do not wish think about. But one day, when you are ready you will be able to embrace a new life and a new love.
But first, consider carefully the type of person that you do want, so that you can avoid attracting the wrong type. If you have been to the emotional depths, you do not want someone who can create havoc with your vulnerability and who could send you spiralling into the depths of despair again.
Relationships go up and down. It doesn’t matter if you find the perfect partner; you are never going to be able to have a partnership that runs smoothly, consistently or have one where you never argue. There will be disagreements, there will be times of irritation and exasperation but this is just one small aspect of a relationship (or should be) and the rest can be a mixture of love, friendship, support and understanding. These components form the basic foundations of a good relationship and if this does not echo your own previous one, then be thankful that it has come to an end. Everyone deserves a relationship that is special and unconditional and whatever your previous relationship might have done to you, remember that you can recover and move on and welcome kinder, more loving people into your life.
Abusive and uncaring relationships drag you down. You may have lost confidence, feel less of a person, and it’s likely that your self-esteem would have plummeted to new lows. Your life might have been filled with worries and concerns in case you did something that could have caused repercussions. Living under a cloud in this way is not acceptable and the only way to counter these bad memories is to take control of your life and emotions again.
In time you will be ready to welcome someone new into your life but it’s important that you do not rush irrespective of any feelings of loneliness. It’s easy to attract people and to date but to ensure that you find someone caring, it’s vital that you have taken the time to learn how to love yourself. Many people who have escaped from abusive relationships ‘talk the talk’ about how they will never be with anyone abusive again and of course, this is a heart-felt expression but what they don’t do is look at how to recover their self-esteem, how to re-build their confidence and how to start truly appreciating themselves.
It’s hard to walk away from a relationship that you know, even if it’s one that causes emotional pain and turmoil every day. This is because it becomes a pattern, something that you know and the uncertainty of becoming single is more daunting than staying in a relationship that doesn’t provide you with the emotional stability or love that you actually deserve.
When you meet someone new, take time to get to know them. There is no rush after all and if they are not prepared to be patient whilst you learn to trust each other, then maybe this person is not the right person for you. Remember that you have control over who you wish to be with or do not want to be with, no one can make you do anything that you don’t want to do. You have the opportunity to meet many different people and if you can meet people with open honesty and a sense of self-belief, you will eventually meet someone who can not only help you to move ever further from your past but who can add a sense of richness and integrity to your life and you will finally be ready for the relationship that you totally deserve.
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