Suddenly you find yourself back on the dating scene and casually trawling through various dating sites on the look-out for that suitable other. It might have been a long time since you were first on your own and it can be a scary time until you re-establish yourself and get back into the swing of things. You might be feeling unsure of yourself and wondering how you are going to be when you start dating again. Even if you were a former champion flirt, the technique does wane without practice and is hard work if your confidence is below par.
Firstly if you are newly solo, it’s time to give yourself a boost and re-invent yourself. You can do this by getting your hair done or by buying new clothes. Give your image a shake-up and don’t rush into buying the first things that you see, take your time and enjoy the whole process. If you feel that you look good, you can guarantee that your confidence will soon start to soar and having an inner confidence is an attractive quality to any significant others that you meet.
If being single seems very scary, it’s worth giving yourself a reality check and realising that your perfect partner probably isn’t going to come riding in on a white charger and saving you from yourself straight away-and not without a little bit of encouragement anyway, so don’t take the whole dating thing too seriously. It’s much more important in the early stages to view it as fun. Does it really matter if you don’t fall in love immediately? Isn’t it better to become more confident and more socially adept again? Just enjoy the experiences that being single brings you, plus once you do start dating, having the right, relaxed attitude will mean that your dates will probably want to see you again.
If you have been out of the dating saddle for some time, why not go out with groups of friends first as this can help you to feel a little more natural out and about and to also meet people in a more natural and relaxed environment. You will possibly feel more confident if you are out in a crowd and any conversations can become much more relaxed. Internet dating, if you decide to go this route, will offer you many chances to widen your social horizons and as it can be fun, it’s worth taking the plunge and securing as many dates as appeals.
If and when you start dating, it can be very flattering if you can develop good listening skills but don’t let the conversation run flat, have a handful of topics that you feel comfortable talking about and don’t rush through them all as if you are in the midst of a race to the finishing line. You have the whole date to chat, so just enjoy the conversation and relax. It can be worth realising that your date (unless a serial dater) can be just as nervous as you. It’s important that you both try to make a good first impression but however the date progresses, stay as relaxed as possible and help each other to make the date a success.
The real pressure when you start dating is often generated by yourself. You may find an innate desire to perform on your dates, to entertain or to please your date. Try to avoid this. If your confidence is still shaky, this might make you act out of character but don’t lose sight of the person you are. Whatever your dating history, good or bad, make sure you don’t come across as too bitter as this can be a little off-putting for your date. Everyone has a chequered past romantically and at some point you can share your stories but in the first instance, get to know your date before sharing your life story. It’s good to make the effort to impress but remember that when you meet someone who is completely compatible with you, it won’t be about making an effort, it will feel natural and wonderful but in the meanwhile, just get out there and embrace your single status.
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