Jealousy and Dating

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Regardless how good a relationship, jealousy and dating just cannot mix. Just imagine that you meet up with someone who is so intense about you, that you feel stifled and unable to move without them. This kind of possessive behavior especially in the early days, can soon lead to jealousy so beware.

You can understand why some people are more jealous than others. Previous bad experiences in their romantic history can lead to their feeling insecure and unconfident about their looks and even about their own sense of worthiness. Let’s be honest, we all feel insecure at times and if you have ever been in an unfaithful relationship or suspected that your partner was cheating on you, then you know all about those moments when jealousy and fear rears up.

Assuming you want a loyal and caring relationship and one that is built on trust, it can be wise to not walk into a relationship where too much insecurity lie. This might be a bit difficult if you are in your 30’s + because broken hearts and betrayal form the baggage of many daters on their second, third or fourth attempt to find the love of their life. Insecurity is one thing but unbridled jealousy and attempts to control are another.

There are many reasons why a man or a woman tries to control. Often it is through fear of losing their partner to another, deep down they may not feel that they deserve this person so they try to subjugate their partner into relying on them and they want that person to start feeling dependant on them.

It’s important to be able to spot any potential indicators of jealousy and to be able to deal with it then and there. For instance, does your partner insist on picking you up from work or escorting you to a works party for example? Ok, it could be argued that your partner wants to ensure that you are safe and is just being protective and genuine, but do you find yourself turning down social invitations because your partner might not like you attending alone?

If your relationship is quite new and everything is going along wonderfully albeit you have a few doubts about their jealous bursts from time to time, then it’s worth considering whether you are giving out signals to your partner so that they feel they cannot trust you. If you are naturally flirtatious and popular, then this can send alarm bells to your date and if you are independent, fun-loving and used to being single, this independence might be both compelling and yet daunting for your partner who may have trust issues anyway.

Should you change how you are? Absolutely not. If you are naturally flirtatious but it is innocent, then it is wrong to try and change. To do so, might make your partner feel more secure and in control, but will make you less of a person and reduce your confidence as a result.

Show your partner how much you love or care for them by all means, communicate loudly and clearly that you are always going to retain your sense of independence and individuality and nothing is going to change that. Do let them know that you will find time and space within your life to make them feel a precious part of it but make it clear, that you cannot change because to do so is to become a shadow of the person that they fell for.

Sometimes it’s good to both stay home and enjoy that sense of closeness but don’t fall into the trap of giving up friends and turning down social events in case it causes problems for your partner. They need to work on their issues and build their self-esteem. It is their responsibility after all. If they don’t, then jealous issues are always going to crop up and your romantic life is going to be a closeted one.

Equally, you may be the one who feels insecure within the relationship and you need to determine why. Does your partner not give you the feeling that you can trust them? Sometimes jealousy arises through a subconscious or instinctive feeling, and these doubts can continue to grow and to ferment. It may be that you are picking up on important signals. Never bury your head in the sand and allow the insecurities to grow out of hand. Face up to your feelings and start communicating, if your partner doesn’t listen or doesn’t care, then you have answered your own question and they may not be the right person for you.

About Pamela Page

Hi, I'm Pamela and I'm so excited to talk to you about your love life. I've had some really amazing and extremely horrible luck with online dating, so I figure I'd share my experience with the world. Remember to download my Free Online Dating Guide!


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