It might not feel normal whilst reacting to a period of conflict, but disagreements, large and small are natural within any relationship. There are very few couples who breeze through life and who do not bicker over sometimes the smallest of things. Communication is extremely important within any relationship and you have to be able to discuss how you feel be it sadness, anger or tension. Conflict requires you to at least try and see the other side of things, even if you are adamant that you are in the right. Remember that there are always two sides to any story.
If you feel that your partner is placing unrealistic demands on you or that there are unresolved issues even, you need to choose your time to sit down and discuss. No-one likes opening up old wounds but otherwise conflict and bitterness only starts to ferment. If you know that the conflict is external for example but that it impedes both of your lives together, then it’s important that you manage conflict by growing closer as a couple and to begin to understand how the other reacts to times of pressure. Perhaps his family have not been the best at communicating in the past but now you need to change how you both interact together.
Some conflict might have you boiling over with anger but hold fast before you erupt. Just because you are feeling it right now, doesn’t mean it’s the best time to bring your pent up emotions out. Timing is everything and if you have just had a heated row, you might both need some cooling off time. This gives you the opportunity to identify what is the most important and to let some of the anger go before you respond and say something that you don’t really mean.
Before rushing in like a bull at a gate, establish what you really need or want from your partner. Be very clear in your needs so that you can make him understand and bring a sense of clarity to the situation, if you don’t know what you want, how would he? You might not feel like listening to him as he regales the whole argument from his perspective, but listening and good communication is a two-way street and you need to understand even if you don’t agree.
When you are involved with a situation of conflict, it’s difficult to remain level-headed. You might find yourself discussing several different issues at once and this will only add to any confusion. You have to remember that most couples will not agree on everything but rather than continuously fighting, a compromise may be called for. If there is something that you really need from the relationship, you might have to be prepared to really spell it out for your partner, being wholly in communicative terms probably won’t do you any favours so instead, state how things can improve and be succinct.
If the conversation is not going quite to plan and you are obviously not getting your feelings across for any one of a variety of reasons, then put yourself on mute and wait until the right moment comes so that you can calmly discuss. Conflict can be internally and externally caused so your plan of action to resolve has to be intuitive and measured if you are going to be successful. Relationships offer lots of potential for misunderstandings and miscommunications and you have to respect change even if you resent it. Accepting that there are differences of opinion between you and your partner is a healthy stance to take and for emotional reasons, if you have a strong, romantic connection and the foundations of your relationship are strong, conflict will not ultimately come between you.
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