You had a great first date and memories from the evening keep flooding back to you, worse, you keep catching sight of yourself in the mirror and realise that you are grinning inanely even though there is no-one else around. It was a great evening but suddenly, reality sets in and you wonder when and even if you might hear from them again for that all-important second date but the phone stays ominously silent, no emails arrive and then those niggling doubts start to creep into your mind.
When you are instinctively attracted to someone and have spent an enjoyable few hours together, it’s impossible to not wonder what they thought of you too. You may mull over snippets of conversation, recall any gestures of affection and find yourself smiling automatically when you remember their smile, the easy rapport and even how your fingers touched sending shivers up and down your spine. Stop. Whilst it’s human nature to analyse and replay these scenes over and over in your mind, too much deep thinking can really get you into hot water and make the waiting time until the next date seem an agonising age away.
Over analysing can make you paranoid. If not careful, you will become obsessed about hearing from them and start to query whether the amount of contact has drastically reduced or wonder why you haven’t heard from them at all. Whereas previously you might have felt relaxed about the progression of your’ virtual relationship’, now you feel anything but calm because that one actual meeting could have changed everything. That previous flutter in your stomach every time you thought about your date has now turned into a migration of wildebeest and it’s not pleasant. Perhaps you imagine the connection between you? Maybe you tried too hard and sounded too keen? Why oh why, did you reach out and hold their hand?
It is hard to feel relaxed when you are waiting for some form of contact or confirmation that the evening really was a success and not borne out of your imagination.. But imagine what you will, you cannot force your date to contact you just because you are sitting there panicking. There are often unwritten rules when it comes to dating. The fear of appearing too keen can be a concern for both. Should you or shouldn’t you be the first one to make contact? What if you arranged the next date? What if the answer was no?
No-one wants to seem over the top with their affections or appear too needy and a sudden abundance of emails dripping with love and affection just might make you suddenly want to run to the hills and this works in reverse as well. True romance needs to find a solid plateau on which to build and feelings of neurosis in the early stages will not provide a comfortable stable climate for development.
The whole dating ethos is a strange one. We often want what we can’t have and anything that is too intense can come across as being desperate and there is nothing as unappealing as someone who is ultra keen to be in a relationship just for the sake of it. Romance and eventually love, should build slowly so that it becomes a solid entity and if it is meant to happen, it will.
If you are tying yourself up in knots whilst waiting for that second date to be made, it’s also worth asking yourself why you are so keen at this stage, great, you enjoyed the date but you still don’t really know each other, it can take weeks, months and even years to really start getting to know someone. Realistically, you may have just enjoyed their company and the attention and why not? It’s no crime to flirt and receive some compliments, but make sure that you get your own feelings into a sense of rational perspective.
The best way of coping with those potential second date nerves is to keep busy. Don’t sit by the phone waiting for a call or a text or sit looking longingly at your emails desperately hoping that you will receive some virtual declaration of love to drop into your inbox. Don’t enter a virtual stalking game by constantly checking to see if your date is online as you will only feel distraught if you don’t get an email instantly. Go out for a few hours, turn your phone off, and do something that distracts you from thinking about that date.
It’s only natural to want a second date if the first was good but don’t pin all of your romantic aspirations on one single meeting and don’t blow your dating opportunity by being impatient. If you enjoyed the date that much, the chances are that your date did too, now go and enjoy your life and the moment you do so, you are bound to get that second date invitation.