It doesn’t matter how experienced you are in the dating
game stakes, when you lose someone you love, it hurts like hell. Your heart
splinters into a million pieces and for the foreseeable future, you know that
you are just going to have to keep your head down and allow yourself to wallow
for a while and be a little self-indulgent whilst the fragments of your heart
start to knit back together. Assuming that there is no possible chance of any
sort of reconciliation, and that your ex’s idea of a little space, means trying
‘open dating’ for a while, it’s time to crack the ‘break up survival’ guide and
The most important thing if it’s really over is learning
to accept it. In your heart, this will be the last thing that you will feel
like accepting but it will help to give you a strong dose of reality and help
your brain to start functioning in a clearer way. You might love someone but
that doesn’t necessarily mean that you agree with them, like them or have a
great deal in common. Ok, so that might sound like misplaced love in which case
but you can’t help who you fall for. When you can start isolating your feelings
just a little, sometimes, your brain will tell you what your heart doesn’t want
to hear, that realistically, the two of you were not right together.
Whatever the reason for the break-up, it’s time to allow
yourself to feel the pain of your lost relationship. If you don’t allow
yourself to go through this grieving time you will only start holding on to the
past and hope against hope that you will get back together. It’s important that
you gain closure and going through the emotional pain is a good way to do just
that. Pamper yourself for a bit and surround yourself with friends, make sure
that they are sympathetic ones because you won’t need to hear any ‘I told you
so’s’ or ‘if only you had listened’.
Once the worst of the emotional hurt has been worked
through, the next stage is to start filling in all of the spare time you will
now probably have. Depending on how long you were together and how much time of
the week you spent together, there may be a real physical hole in your life and
it’s time to start filling that in with fun things. If you had many of the same
friends, it might be a good idea to get out there and to start making some new
friends. This doesn’t mean dropping any of the former people that you once
socialised with, but in the first instance, spending time with different people
will really help you to bridge the gap between your old life and the new great
one you are going to embrace wholeheartedly.
You can start off by taking up some new hobbies. Perhaps
you have always wanted to learn a new language but never had the time? Check
out your college prospectus and see whether this helps you to fill a bit of
free time in a constructive way. Alternatively, set up a new keep fit regime and
join a local gym or take some classes. Group activities are good because you
will instinctively start to meet people with shared interests and importantly,
they will not be part of your existing social group. Once you have settled into single life a
little bit, you can then start to expand your social activities and can start
going to new places with your new friends.
Always remember that it takes time to forge new bonds.
You might have regrettably let some of your former friends go when you became
part of a relationship so it may well feel like you are starting over but
that’s ok. It’s a new lesson to learn. Cherish your friends going forward.
Take things slowly. You can rush headlong back into the
dating scene but on the other hand sometimes it’s good to take things a little
steady and to let yourself heal, by doing so, it allows you to embrace any new
relationships without all of the clutter of old emotional hurts and that has to
be a good thing.
Image:© Larry Powell | Dreamstime.com