So you’re all set up in your new relationship and things are going really well. It’s been a while since you have been in a relationship but this one seems pretty perfect. Apart from the occasional snoring bout, you have not been able to really find fault with him. He’s kind, considerate and loving. All in all, life is pretty good. But then suddenly, from out of the blue, you get a phone call from the former love of your life and your heart starts racing as you hear his dulcet tones and all of a sudden the memories flood through your mind and you can picture him in an instant.
He asks you if you are seeing someone and you find yourself suddenly lost for words, you know you should say yes, you are in love and he’s wonderful, but the words stick in your throat and before you know it, you have told your ex that your new romance is nothing serious. When you put down the phone, no doubt your heart is thumping in your chest and you wonder what you have done.
The worst bit is, you are actually tempted to meet up with your ex, just for old time’s sake after all, it’s not like you are thinking about doing anything. You won’t even tell your new partner, there is nothing for him to know is there? It will be one quick drink and then you will firmly close the door on your past,maybe.
Of course, there are many possible scenarios and this is only one example of how a former partner can come unbidden into your life but this shows you just how easy it is to ‘almost’ succumb to temptation irrespective of how happy you are.
So you find yourself wondering, whether meeting up with your ex actually constitutes cheating? You try and picture your new partner saying that it is ok but you have serious doubts. For some people meeting up with an ex would be enough to make them run for the hills and to throw in the towel on your relationship whilst for someone else, meeting for a drink and a chat means little providing it went no further. What you need to think of when you consider your own actions is:
Do you feel guilty? Even the least little bit of guilt is paramount to admitting that the thought of being unfaithful has crossed your mind.
To salve any ruffled conscience, it’s best to talk to your partner and to sound him out. Whilst he is probably not going to be overly thrilled by the prospect that you have been chatting to your ex, he is probably going to be pleased by your honesty and your consideration that he is ok with this fact before going ahead with the meeting. If he is not and he asks you not to talk to your ex again or to meet him, but you know that you really are not prepared to cut the emotional ties just yet, you might need to consider whether being single might be the best course of action. After all, if you can be tempted so quickly, perhaps your new relationship isn’t as strong as you would like it to be.
For some people, even thinking about the possibility of a fling constitutes complete unfaithfulness and you have to put yourself in your partners shoes and ask yourself how you would feel if you heard that he had been chatting to a former lover? How much do you really care about your partner and why do you think hearing from your ex put you into such a tempted state? When you know the answer to that question you will know whether your new relationship has any chance of surviving.
Assuming you haven’t taken it further and leapt into bed with your former partner, the guilty thoughts are all in your mind and no physical contact has actually occurred so there is still plenty of time to pull yourself together and to say no to your ex. It’s that simple. If you find yourself flooded with doubts and wondering whether you have the ability to say no should the opportunity arise, then it might be time to question your future as a single person for now.