Why Won’t He Commit?

Men have a lot of fears about relationships and commitment and although it might seem like men only want to have their cake and eat it, deep down, a lot of men want a great and committed relationship too, they are just very good at not showing it and can remain frustratingly elusive.

It might surprise you that underneath the fancy muscular packaging, there is often a man who just wants to be loved, but he wants to be loved for the person that he is and not for what he can give you. So maybe, men aren’t so far removed from women after all.  Depending on his own romantic history, he may be a lot more cautious before wanting to commit and so your best bet if you are looking for a decent and kind man to spend your life with is to be totally honest with him and just be yourself. This may well help him to start trusting you and that’s an important factor for anyone.

As a woman, you might be aware that the clock is ticking in terms of finding a relationship that is going to last, it may be in your nature to want to push the relationship forward if you see potential. If you are hoping to have children, then the pressure on you might seem even greater but don’t rush past all the good aspects of meeting someone new and enjoying those first romantic stages. Take your time in getting to know him and show that you really do enjoy spending some time with him and not see him as a means to an end.

Men are often attracted to women, who are strong minded, caring and self-sufficient and it can be an intense turnaround to suddenly find a woman who now only wants to centre her whole life on him. He is going to feel pressured and maybe a little claustrophobic too. Your expectations suddenly will start to weigh heavily on him and he won’t want to let you down but with a great deal of pressure riding on the relationship before he is really ready, he may well let you down if you are not careful.

To make your relationship work, he needs to know that you are not tied to him through circumstances but through choice. You need to show him that there are always options out there for you and this doesn’t mean threatening to run off with the first person who shows you some interest either. It simply means by continuing to have a life outside of your relationship. Keep up with your friends and your family and keep focussing on your own dreams, improving your career prospects or whatever is important to you personally.

What you are trying to convey is that his life is so much richer because you are in it and if you can do this by enriching his life, by showing him that a sense of togetherness is wonderful and that he would be lost without you. Remember that men can’t be talked into committing or having a long term relationship with you, they need to go into it gently and gradually and not feel that it is forced onto him. His need for commitment comes from his instinctive response towards you and also that your shared experiences become an important part of his life.

Don’t worry about working ‘at’ the relationship, it’s more important to enjoy it naturally because then it will seem right to both of you. Commitment takes time, effort and the ability to actually relax into the relationship rather than force it at the pace you want it to go. If you can take your time, it won’t be so much that he won’t commit but more, when he will commit.

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