The Shy Date

  • Tweet
  • Share
  • Tweet
  • Share

If you are going on a first date via Internet dating, nerves are an issue at the best of times, after all, you desperately want to make a good impression and through reading her profile and her emails to you, you have a feeling that you might really like her. There is something sweet about her profile and her photo and you’re already drawn to her even though you’ve not actually spoken to her at all yet.

Communication is so important when you meet, and you need to get quite the conversation going quickly so that you can settle into the date and banish those nerves, so what happens when you meet this glorious vision and she hardly utters a word? If your date is shy, this can be a nightmare, she might be the loveliest person out there and you’re desperately hoping that she is but you’re not sure how you are going to be able to bring her out of her shell. When someone is shy, it can produce some horrible tense moments irrespective of what you do or say and even if you are the most confident of men, it can still make you feel self-conscious or even inadequate.

You have to feel a little bit sorry for your date and to also admire her for coming out on a first date knowing that she is going to struggle. She is every bit as cute as you thought she would be so you know you are going to have to try to make her feel less self-conscious and just hope that at some point, the frosty hands-off demeanor starts to thaw and she will open up and relax a bit.

If you are fairly confident of your own abilities to chat and to entertain, you are just going to have to go all out to take the pressure off her, whilst trying to keep the pace of the conversation going without you over-doing it yourself.

If you are good at small-talk, then you may find that you will be tapping into this a lot throughout the evening. Do give your date the chance to say something throughout however, don’t just talk over her, scared to pause in case you get any horrible silences, and just be relaxed in your method. Pause for breath, smile, change body position, sit back, move forward, and just feel relaxed. Make sure that you own nerves do not pin you uncomfortably into one position as she will be able to sense this.

Start off by talking about you, pick topics that flow well and that you are confident to talk about and then gradually start turning the conversation a little to them. It can be hard when you are fighting your own nerves to tune into their body language and to be intuitive, but this is exactly what you must do if you wish to break the shyness barrier and to get her involved in the conversation. At some point, if you remain relaxed and controlled, you are going to hit upon a topic that your date will want to talk about.

Don’t’ forget to smile, you might feel wound up like a coiled spring but hang in there. It’s simply a case of breaking the ice and both of you relaxing into the date. What you have to remember is that although she may seem impossibly shy right now, she is unlikely to remain so as you continue to get to know her.  In the first instance, she is going to be protective of herself but gradually those barriers will come down. It’s always important to tread carefully and not put your date on the spot and force the issue. You can ask questions or make comments and add an intonation in your voice giving her the opportunity to speak up. Test the waters as you go.

If your date is incredibly shy, make sure that the topics are nice and safe, nothing embarrassing, nothing too risqué.  She will thank you for your patience and if the chemistry is right between you, you never know the next date might be very different.

About Pamela Page

Hi, I'm Pamela and I'm so excited to talk to you about your love life. I've had some really amazing and extremely horrible luck with online dating, so I figure I'd share my experience with the world. Remember to download my Free Online Dating Guide!


Subscribe to our e-mail newsletter to receive updates.


No comments yet.

Leave a Reply

* Copy this password:

* Type or paste password here:

5,014 Spam Comments Blocked so far by Spam Free Wordpress