Why Trying to Change Your Date Will Never Work

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It’s the age old mistake. You meet someone, feel an overwhelming attraction to them and yet once you ensnare them and begin to develop a proper relationship, you want to start changing them. If you are guilty of this, you won’t be the first or the last person to attempt to change their so called love of their life. Of course there are bound to be things that start to irritate or annoy you after a while, it is humanly impossible to not get irate at times but if these are simply rough edges that need to be smoothed, then all well and good. But if you are seriously considering trying to change key aspects of their personality, then you have to wonder whether you are even with the right person at all.  

Sexually, it’s important to ensure that you are both on the right wavelength as without a doubt, a mis-matched sex drive can cause huge problems later on in the relationship. It’s good to experiment and to get to know each other’s likes and dislikes too. Perhaps if your partner is not overly adventurous you could try to get them to indulge and be a little more creative occasionally. Sexual fun and games is one thing, but personality changes are something completely different.

If you love your partner then you have to think about why you want to change them. What is it that they do that no longer feels funny or appealing? Do they drink too much? Do they have too many nights out with their friends? Do they leave the toilet seat up or are too fastidious or fussy in the house? Have they failed to say the ‘L’ word? If you are sensing that they are not as committed to the relationship as much as you, then you are going to start feeling cheated. It’s a painful aspect of dating when one person feels less for the other. Of course it may have nothing to do with that, it could just be silly habits that can become a fixation if not sorted out. If it starts really irritating you then it’s important that you tell them. Annoying habits can be just that, extremely annoying but are they a relationship breaker?

It’s worth sitting down and remembering all of their good qualities and all of the things that you really do like about them. This can endorse those feelings of why you got together in the first place and why you are still together today. Once you have done this, start creating a list of all the things that you find difficult or offensive. Hopefully the list will be just a short one and this will help you to put things into perspective. If the list starts out-growing the other one however, then it just might be worth calling it a day.

If you are with a partner who you don’t trust or who shows you very little affection, then you have to think about why you are with them in the first place. Similarly, a partner who doesn’t treat you with consideration and care isn’t really worth spending any time with surely? Some people just want to be in a relationship and hate being alone, if this sounds like you, then have a think about whether you really do need to be in a relationship let alone a damaging one.

A relationship is supposed to make you happy. It’s supposed to fulfil all of your needs and to make you feel contented and secure. Depending on your own individual partnership, only you can state whether it’s enough for you or whether you are looking for something completely different. To work, a relationship must be equally matched, it has solid foundations, mutual trust and respect and both see it as a long term commitment. A couple must work together to overcome all odds, grow together as a couple as well as developing individually but it’s important that any potential problems are discussed as and when they arise so as not to develop into real issues.

No good can come out of having to change someone’s personality. It really shouldn’t even be attempted.


Image:© Michael Drager | Dreamstime.com

About Pamela Page

Hi, I'm Pamela and I'm so excited to talk to you about your love life. I've had some really amazing and extremely horrible luck with online dating, so I figure I'd share my experience with the world. Remember to download my Free Online Dating Guide!


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